Baseball's “new normal”: No showers and no keeping score in Brampton

Welcome to the municipality of Brampton. Lorded over by Mayor Patrick “Crybaby” Brown, a.k.a., the Man Who Would Be Ontario Premier, a lovely city where fun goes to die. 

Indeed, the City of Brampton might just be Canada’s most efficient municipality in terms of slapping its citizens with those $880 Wuhan virus tickets (Brampton bylaw issued 122 tickets in a single week last month.)

In any event, Brampton reopened several sports facilities and fields. But, as always in this day and age of the coronavirus and nanny state politics, there are many, many restrictions.

For example, “walk-on use” when it comes to soccer fields and baseball diamonds is strictly prohibited. You actually have to contact the city and get a permit! Change rooms remain off-limits, of course, and get this: use of the field is limited to 10 persons. Which is kind of problematic when it comes to a sport like baseball given that there are nine players a side.

(Who’s on first? Um… nobody. We had to drop the first baseman so as not to exceed the player quota…)

Ah, but it would appear that a game of ball featuring five a side is a moot point. For you see, in Brown’s Brampton, you can only use a sports field to practice – not play! So, kids, have fun tossing that ball back and forth – and don’t you dare keep score under penalty of law!

Alas, for the small fry set, naturally, the playgrounds remained closed and the playground equipment locked up. Stay in your basement, kids, and play video games and chow down on cherry cheesecake. It’s for your own well-being, after all, you understand.

How sad. When we visited Brampton’s Sesquicentennial Park on a gorgeous summer day, we gazed upon no fewer than eight beautifully-manicured baseball diamonds. Just one thing was missing: players of any age playing (er, I mean, “practicing”) on those diamonds!

Then again, little wonder the kids were AWOL: a constable in a Brampton Police Service cruiser was keeping careful watch on those diamonds, lest some kids didn’t have the necessary paperwork to use the facilities or – horror of horrors – they were actually playing a baseball game as opposed to practicing. 

Bottom line: looks like it’s going to be a long, hot, boring summer in Brampton. And if you have the temerity to break any of the rules, sports fans, it’s gonna be an expensive summer as well.