Ready for higher education, but triggered by Harry Potter? University of Chester is the one for you!

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You know folks, I think too many people believe that the Harry Potter series of books are the stuff of fantasy and whimsy — harmless fantastical fiction appealing primarily to younger readers.

Well, thank God England’s University of Chester is FINALLY setting the record straight.

Indeed, this bastion of higher learning recently issued a “trigger warning” to Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – just in case any U of C freshmen suffer meltdowns over offensive, distressing, or downright dangerous subject matter.

So it is that those taking the university’s “Approaches to Literature” course are being warned about certain unsavoury themes in the novel.

According to The Daily Mail, the course module warns students that QUOTE: “Although we are studying a selection of young adult texts on this module, the nature of the theories we apply to them can lead to some difficult conversations about gender, race, sexuality, class, and identity. These topics will be treated objectively, critically and, most crucially, with respect. If anyone has any issues with the content, please get in touch with the module leader to make them aware.” END-QUOTE

Three cheers for the University of Chester, I say!

You know, I remember seeing Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in a cinema back when it was released in 2001. I was shocked — shocked, I tell you! I thought I was going to be watching a family-friendly flick about magic… you know, a Bedknobs and Broomsticks for the new millennium.

But as the movie progressed, I remember getting increasingly… queasy. I leaned over and whispered into Lady Menzoid’s ear: “Hey, what’s with all this gender, race, sexuality, class, and identity stuff? This is making for a difficult conversation!”

I then bolted from my seat, making a beeline for the snack bar. I inquired if the theatre had a quiet room so that I could lay down in the fetal position for a few hours. No dice. I had to settle instead for some comfort food – namely, a box of popcorn smattered with that butter substitute known as Golden Topping. Yep. Golden Topping. (I know, folks: where’s the trigger warning when you really need one?)

Damn you, J. K. Rowling, you TERF! Stop writing such triggering novels that are chock-a-block with gender, race, sexuality, class, and identity issues. And while you’re at it, leave those transgenders alone. Go after the trans fats instead. I think there might be a lot of that stuff lurking within Golden Topping…