Dr. Tam's COVID-19 sex tips: “Your safest partner is yourself”

Don’t date if you are sick. Take precautions when being promiscuous. And for the rest of you? Sit inside your deranged curling ring in your city park, and whatever you do – for the love of God – don’t go to the beach for some vitamin D if you’re feeling perfectly ok. Got it. Thanks, government, for the official sex advice.

There is not a single part of our lives – right down to our private intimate relations – the government won't get involved in  all for the sake of stopping the coronavirus.

Honestly, I’m already uncomfortable and grossed out and can’t believe I am going to read these things in a YouTube video. But watch and we'll read this together (and this is definitely not safe for work, or little ones). 

And those sorts of ridiculous questions that literally no one wants answers to are ones from the official government approved journalists, while journalists like Keean Bexte or David Menzies who want to ask real questions like why Dr. Theresa Tam — Canada’s chief public health officer — still also works for the China-centric World Health Organization, well they aren’t allowed into these press conferences.

And while these health officials like Dr. Tam were telling us to stay away from wholesome things (visiting friends, attending funerals, going to church) or face the threat of hefty fines, the same power-drunk health bureaucrats were giving advice and support on the best way to maintain an uncompromisingly hedonistic lifestyle.

I wish I was even remotely exaggerating. Dr. Tam’s advice on how to get frisky in the days of the Wuhan Plague is actually pretty tame. Ridiculous, but tame, all things being relative.

WATCH my report (but make sure little ones aren't around — this is definitely not safe for work.)

But what about the prostitutes? This government sex advice is just for recreational sex. What about the professional kind? The CBC remembered them. 

Let me be clear: I don’t want vulnerable women – often addicted, abused and impoverished – in dangerous situations. That’s why I am against prostitution no matter how much male feminists and creeps try to convince broken feminists that turning tricks in cars and filthy hotels for 20 bucks a pop is empowerment, rather than exploitation.

However, of course, in the socialist District 9 of Edmonton, Alberta, the prostitutes are getting their CERB payments. As long as they worked in brothels before the corona.

This pandemic has revealed government – all levels of government – for their totalitarian tendencies and skewed priorities. During the pandemic, the government in some places wouldn’t let you visit your grandma through her window, or have a backyard barbecue. But you could riot, protest the police by the thousands, or take a knee like the prime minister to acknowledge your white privilege, and engage in sex for cash.