Hey, sports fans, did you hear the news? On Monday, the CFL’s Edmonton-based club revealed a short list of seven new names for the team, given that, post-George Floyd, “Eskimos,” much like “Redskins,” is now nickname non grata because it’s too racially insensitive, or something.
I must point out, I’ve never actually met anyone who is offended by either nickname. Indeed, do you recall that Washington Post poll back in 2016 that indicated that more than 90 per cent of Native Americans had no issue whatsoever with the Washington Redskins’ nickname or logo? Yeah, but what do they know, right?
And so it is that way, way north of the border, Edmonton’s football team has hopped aboard the woke wagon, too, announcing that they will pick a new nickname for the upcoming season — if there is a season, that is — to replace “Eskimos.” The new nickname will begin with the letter E, so that the club can at least keep its iconic double-E logo.
Here’s the shortlist:
Elk, Evergreens, Evergolds, Eclipse, Elkhounds, Eagles and Elements.
Yes, those are the 7 best E-words they could come up with. I swear.
Let’s go… Elks!
Let’s go… Eclipses!
Are you kidding me? And the question arises: who-oh-who could’ve seen this unintentional hilarity galloping down the gridiron?
Well… WE did, actually — way back in 2017. You see, we used to run a segment called Generation Trudeau on Campus, in which we would come up with a fake news concept that was so completely preposterous as to be beyond belief. And then we would ask the learned types on campus to weigh in on the matter, as though it were real news, and wow, the kids never let us down...
So, one day in 2017, our question du jour at my old alma mater of Ryerson University was about the Edmonton Eskimos reportedly axing their nickname and opting instead for another nickname beginning with the letter E — in other words, something that actually came true less than four years later!
Here, check it out:
Can you imagine, folks? The Edmonton Everybodies…
But seriously, I think that video is now equal parts hilarious and disturbing. I mean, we were simply doing a goof here — we never counted on political correctness, woke-ism and cancel culture to become such debilitating forces so quickly. But that’s what has occurred!
But you know what? I say, in for a penny, in for a pound. If the Eskimos nickname is now forbidden fruit, what about the city’s of Edmonton's name itself?
After all, Alberta’s capital is named after Edmonton, England. That kinda smacks of colonialism, wouldn’t you say? The indigenous name for Edmonton is Amiskwaciy Waskahikan (pronounced AMISS WAK-A-CEE WASK-A-HIKAN).
Do you know what the English translation is for that name? Beaver Hills House. Yes, Beaver Hills House.
So, hey Edmontonians, how does the Beaver Hills House Beavers grab ya for a football team name?
For Rebel News, I’m David “The Menzoid” Menzies.