Greta Thunberg's public relations team has put out a carefully crafted post claiming that the 17 year old idol almost certainly has the Wuhan Virus. Thunberg assumes her sickness came from her reckless international travel, which Greta Inc. refused to put on hold despite the global crisis.

The seventeen-year-old panic merchant didn't make it clear if she was boycotting flu medicine which is exclusively packaged in plastic. Did you know that the healthcare industry (which includes hospitals, produces medicine, masks, and viral swabs) accounts for 4% of global CO² emissions? Greta has finally found carbon she can't boycott!

Thunberg explained that her family was managing her self-diagnosis by putting the young activist up in a “borrowed apartment.” Must be nice to be 17 and get your own place, unlike many of us who ordered by the state to quarantine together risking the spread of infection within our own familial, roommate, and spousal circles. A globalist elite like Greta can just borrow her own set of keys to an exclusive secondary apartment.

Do you think it's as messy as the plastic garbage-filled Tesla she borrowed from Schwarzenegger? 

Greta has already claimed to have made a full recovery from her self reported mild symptoms, but was sure to capitalize on the publicity spike that comes with a self-diagnosis. As a result of the world experiencing a real global crisis, Greta's popularity levels are at a record low.