Where was Toronto Mayor John Tory on Super Sunday?

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Where, oh where, was John Tory on Super Bowl Sunday?

Trying to find the whereabouts of Toronto Mayor John Tory these days is like playing a game of Where’s Waldo.

Is he at his swanky downtown Toronto condo? Or is he at his lovely Keswick cottage? Or is he at his multi-million-dollar North Palm Beach, Florida mansion? (If I was a betting man — and I am — I’m picking the Florida real estate. After all, it’s frigid in Hogtown these days, and thanks to our drone footage from last week, we know that members of Clan Tory ARE currently at the mansion — perhaps even the patriarch himself? Then again, I did pick the Chiefs to win the big game...)

So it was that we went looking for John Tory on Saturday. We visited his luxury condominium tower, but nobody had recently seen His Honour, and the condo’s security guards declined to comment.

By the way, the day before, Ontario Premier Doug Ford — a huge football and Tom Brady fan — tweeted out a warning to Ontarians not to get together for Super Bowl parties. You know, like how he did last year, when he warned citizens not to go to their cottage for Easter (and then he went to his cottage for Easter). And how he warned people not to congregate at weddings (and then he congregated at MPP Stan Cho’s wedding, not wearing a mask and not social distancing).

Thanks, Douglas! You really talk a mean game, when you’re not baking up another batch of cherry cheesecake...

Yet, during the time we were interviewing people on the ice-cold streets of Toronto regarding Tory’s whereabouts, the mayor hadn’t tweeted his de rigueur condescending message warning Torontonians NOT to gather at Super Bowl parties.

Hmmm… do you think that Tory was planning to have a Super Bowl party with his friends and relatives at his condo? Or his cottage? Or his Florida mansion?

For that matter, maybe he went to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa to take in the Super Bowl live? After all, that stadium is only about a 3.5-hour drive away from North Palm Beach. Wait, what am I saying? Your Grace going anywhere via car, like some regular Joe? Oh, no! Remember, John’s son is a pilot with access to a private plane. And Tampa Bay is a mere 49-minute flight away from North Palm Beach.

And get this: just after we started asking questions about Tory’s whereabouts, the mayor suddenly tweeted out a warning not to get together on Super Sunday.

Hmmm… since we know that the mayor’s office spies on Rebel News, do you think that maybe his communications minion, Bruce Hawkins He/Him (Bruce denotes his pronouns, lest you think that Bruce is a chick) was tipped off and instructed the mayor to make like the premier and warn away people from gathering on Super Sunday?

Methinks we will never know for certain — since can anyone really trust what comes out of the mouths of Tory and Ford these days?

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