With great powder comes great responsibility — Toronto police shut down toboggan hill

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“STOP! In the name of the... Toronto toboggan police!”

Damn that Wuhan virus! Apparently, it despises those going downhill on sleds, saucers and good ol’ toboggans — but jamming into a big box store is okay, of course.

And because John Tory is mayor, the city is now dispatching the Toronto Police Service to stakeout... snowy hills?

Oh, it’s true!

That was the scene the other day at Earl Bales Park. We happened upon a police cruiser with two constables keenly observing any ne’er-do-well who might want to sled down the hill. It’s for our safety, you understand. After all, everyone knows that whipping down a deserted snow-covered hill at 30 km/h is the ideal place to get infected by the coronavirus, don’t ya know? It’s science.

Alas, confusion reigns. According to a Toronto Sun story, tobogganists at Earl Bales Park last weekend were told by city workers and bylaw enforcement officers that sledding was permitted — on the bottom third of the hill. Apparently going down the hill from the top would be... too much fun?

But police later showed up and started barking at attendees not to cross some imaginary line — or else!

Well, apparently the confusion is all cleared up now. There is yellow police caution tape at the top of the hill and a new sign warns people that tobogganing is strictly verboten.

And if you ignore the signs, you certainly better not ignore the constables in the police cruiser. And so it is that as we begin the new year, the Toronto toboggan police can be found patrolling Hogtown’s sloping real estate... to serve and protect... whether you want them to or not!

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  • By David Menzies

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