Alas and alack, my quest for my missing bottle of scotch continues, albeit without any success…
Astute viewers of Rebel News might recall that I recently had a surreal visit to Toronto’s Wicksteed Avenue Liquor Control Board of Ontario store.
To recap: several weeks ago, when I initially visited this shop, my intention was to purchase three bottles of Glenfarclas 105, a fantastic scotch that retails for $110 a bottle.
But upon returning home, I discovered that I had been shorted: only two bottles were in my bag, not three. While I was open to the idea that this was an honest mistake, I also pondered if this was a deliberate measure to defraud me. After all, the lady who unlocked the cabinet in order to bring the scotch to the cashier was very belligerent towards me because evidently, my mask had slipped below my nose. Was she enacting a measure of revenge by removing a bottle from the packaging?
In any event, when I followed up via phone, I spoke to Anne, the assistant manager. Anne inexplicably told me there was nothing the store could do to correct the situation and to reach out to the head office instead. Customer. Service. Excellence!
While I was shocked by Anne’s cavalier attitude, I did indeed reach out to Booze Central. And to its credit, the head office instructed the store to make things right for me (in other words, give me that bottle of 105).
Indeed, the store’s manager, Ashley, phoned me to apologize for the error and told me to swing by the store to pick up that bottle of Glenfarclas 105, which she would set aside for me on her desk.
But what began as a very civil conversation ended with Ashley slamming the phone down. I simply asked to see the surveillance footage to ensure that no monkey business had been committed because, well, quite frankly, I just don’t trust the Liquor Corruption Bureaucracy of [the People’s Republic of] Ontario. Alas, Ashley initially claimed the footage had been erased; then said she couldn’t release it. When I asked what was the truth — had the footage been erased, or was she simply refusing to let me view it? — CLICK! went the phone.
I must’ve offended Ashley big time with my queries, because when I went back to the store, she inexplicably reneged on giving me the bottle, which, as she promised, was occupying her desk.
What’s more, she said I would have to reach out to the head office to solve the dispute… this made me ponder if Ashley was inebriated, because I had already reached out to the head office. They were the ones who informed Ashley to give me that bloody bottle of 105! Also, for reasons that remain mysterious, she decided to lock the store (um, isn’t that called “forcible confinement”?) and she called the police on me and my cameraman. Yet again, more: Customer. Service. Excellence!
In any event, we did acquiesce to Ashley’s request and visited the LCBO’s corporate headquarters the other day, whereupon I asked random employees if they could, you know, go into the warehouse and fetch me a bottle of Glenfarclas 105. But it was no dice at HQ; instead of leaving with a fine bottle of scotch, I left with a piece of paper detailing the contact numbers of other LCBO bureaucrats to call.
I shall indeed reach out. Or file a small claims court lawsuit. So, stay tuned for what we hope to be the third and final instalment of the mysterious case of the missing bottle of Glenfarclas 105.
In the meantime, I think I really need a drink. Actually, make it a double…