So, there we were at the Liquor Control Board of Ontario store at 1750 The Queensway in west-end Toronto on Tuesday night. We were buying a bottle of Laphroaig Quarter Cask because, well, where the hell else is he supposed to get a bottle of Scotch in Ontario?

In any event, while off-duty and minding our own business and not looking for trouble — but trouble found us.

Thieves entered the store, filled their sacks with booze, and made a getaway. We filmed the crime on our cellphone and gave chase until it seemed that one of the thieves was brandishing a weapon of some sort.

Maybe we need our heads examined for reacting to those thieves in such a fashion. Toronto being Toronto these days, the thieves could’ve been brandishing knives. Or guns. And dead men tell no tales.

In any event, what did we learn from this encounter? Three things:

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For starters, those dudes are actually regular thieves. The LCBO staff recognized them immediately, yet did nothing. Nobody even left the store to take down the licence plate number of the getaway car. We did that. So, if you happen to see a white Chevy van in the GTA with plate number CB 39133 call the police. Assuming they give a rodent’s rectum.

Next, this was yet another example of how our so-called castle laws totally suck. The LCBO employees told us that if they had gotten involved, they would have been automatically fired. And if they had harmed the robber in a takedown, they might even get sued — by the robber!

Gee, who’s running the LCBO these days? York Regional Police Chief Jim MacSween? You know, the guy who wants residents of York Region to be “compliant” when home invaders break into their houses? That doesn’t apply to the chief, of course. He always has his sidearm nearby, something that is verboten for us.

But never mind…

Finally, when it comes to the booze file, can Premier Doug Ford pull himself away from creating stupid photo ops like banning Kentucky bourbon and California wines and dumping domestically made Crown Royal whisky down the drain?

Can the province’s chief cherry cheesecake eating enthusiast do something tangible about LCBO theft, which is estimated to be as high as $77 million per year? We’ll help him out: for starters, have stores hire paid-duty police officers to lay down the law. And how about this: reconfigure LCBO stores much like they used to exist in yester-decade when the booze was locked in the back and a customer had to pay for that bottle before getting his hands on it.

But no. Don’t expect the entitled lazy idiots running the LCBO or the premier to do anything.

That’s because the LCBO is a government-owned liquor monopoly. It’s not their money going out the door — it's ours, at least if you live in Ontario. So, the LCBO’s solution to out-of-control theft is to simply mark up the bottles to cover the shrinkage and turn a blind eye to thieves.

That’s right — the LCBO’s gameplan is to penalize its law-abiding customers who actually pay for the stuff while rewarding the thieves. You can’t make this up.

Meanwhile, Douggie, can you adhere to the election slogan that you and your beloved late brother, Rob, used to run on? Namely, “Respect for taxpayers.”

Because the dangerous crap that is going on at LCBO stores is completely disrespectful to those law-abiding Ontarians whom you claim to serve.