Channel Nine urges Aussies to go woke to survive cost of living crisis

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• By Avi Yemini

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Channel Nine is advising its audience to go Woke in order to reduce their cost of living. 

 In an article posted on its website yesterday, author Joel Gibson enthused: “It used to cost more to be Woke, but this cost-of-living crisis has tipped that on its head.” 

The article listed meat, petrol, and “convenience” as things that “were already on the nose with conscious consumers” and now cost more than politically correct alternatives. 

By changing their habits, readers could save money and be on the right side of history, all at the same time. 

“While your average jet-setting, carnivorous V8 driver is being belted by the cost of living right now, vegetarian cyclists are having a relatively easier time,” Gibson said. 

The article estimated that by going full vegetarian, a person could slash their food bill by 32 per cent. 

And if shoppers picked up their own groceries rather than having them delivered, they would cut their shopping bill even further. 

Gibson encouraged readers to go even more 'Wokier' - swapping their gas bottles for solar panels and their petrol powered car for an EV – if they wanted to create margin in their weekly budget.