We think we speak for millions of Canadians when we say that the single most annoying thing about shopping at a large chain store these days is what too often occurs at the checkout counter. No, we’re not talking about rude or indifferent service; rather, we speak of getting hit up for a charitable donation.

We go to a store to shop, not to give. And if we want to give to a charity, and most of us do from time to time, we like to select that charity on our own. Presumably the charity will be one that aligns with our values.

Oh, and another thing: when the likes of Loblaws collects all those loonies and toonies and later presents that dough as one big fat six-figure cheque to the charity, guess who gets the tax deduction? Yep, the corporation — which didn’t even donate a nickel. That’s just not right.

But check out the latest shakedown that’s happening in Ontario. It is a monopoly doing the coercion at the cash register. And the charitable cause, we think, is ridiculous.

We speak of the Liquor Control Board of Ontario. For the privilege of getting ripped off, the LCBO is asking its customers to make a donation to something called Tree Canada.

This is especially irksome. For starters, we visit an LCBO store not by choice but by necessity. Where else can I go to buy a bottle of Scotch or Bourbon? Actually, scratch that last beverage. We momentarily forgot that Ontario’s Chief Cherry Cheescake Eating Enthusiast recently removed all U.S.-sourced products from the LCBO so Doug Ford could stage a $1 billion photo op.

Take that, Donald Trump! No U.S. alcohol on LCBO shelves… even though all that product was bought and paid for — by the taxpayer — and is now occupying warehouses until who knows when. But never mind...

The point is, in an LCBO store, I am a captive audience for solicitation. And I really resent it.

As for this month’s charity case — what in blue hell is Tree Canada?

Well, here is its mission statement:

Tree Canada is the only national non-profit organization dedicated to planting and nurturing trees in rural and urban environments across the country. Their goal is to inspire, educate and enable Canadians to address climate change and integrate sustainable practices into their communities.

Shouldn’t it be called TREES Canada? But we digress. Because, seriously, Canada is in desperate need of… trees?

Do you know it is estimated that there are 318 BILLION trees occupying Canadian soil? In other words, by our math, there works out to almost 8,000 trees for every Canadian citizen.

And we somehow need more trees? What next? A charity that is devoted to raising money to put salt water in the Pacific Ocean?

But wait, there’s more: if the LCBO is really, really concerned about trees, why doesn’t it get rid of its crappy paper bags? The LCBO brainiacs do realize that paper is derived from trees, right?

It’s truly a no-brainer for the LCBO to go back to plastic bags. Plastic is designed for weighty items. Glass bottles filled with liquid weigh a lot, after all. Or perhaps the real goal behind paper bags is that the LCBO wants to provide consumers with an inferior bag, one that easily breaks… thereby leading to the breakage of the contents in the paper bag — you know, like that $90 bottle of Scotch?

That’s a clever albeit devious way for the LCBO to drive up sales, don’t you think?

Still, some people are shelling out. The LCBO has raised $2.2 million for Tree Canada via customer donations, proving that P.T. Barnum was indeed correct when he opined that there’s a you-know-what born every minute.

But the LCBO did inform us that as a Crown corporation it does not receive a tax deduction — so now we’re really confused by these charity shakedowns by the Ontario booze monopoly… unless the sole reason to do so is simply much virtue signalling.

The Tree Canada program will end later this month. Wonder what charity the LCBO will promote in May? I do know that in June, the LCBO will be raising money for various Rainbow Mafia organizations such as the ever-litigious Egale Canada.

Um, come to think of it, maybe donating a loonie or three to something as ridiculous as Tree Canada isn’t such a bad thing after all. I mean, at least the tree people aren’t going to sue you if you decide not to celebrate radical transgenderism…

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