HANDCUFFED: Police prowl Cobourg Beach for COVID-19 violations

Beach Blanket Brouhaha…

Upon being informed by our newest Rebel, Tamara Ugolini, I simply could not believe that the residents of Cobourg, Ontario, and tourists visiting the town, STILL weren’t going to Cobourg’s beautiful beach — even though there’s a legal way to do so.

You see, Coburg’s eastern beach now resembles post-war Berlin thanks to a steel fence preventing residents and tourists alike from having fun in the sun there. Social-distancing, you understand.

But there is a loophole when it comes to accessing the beach: if a swimmer goes into the lake via the pier area, they are home free given that the town does not have any jurisdiction over the water.

In a video we aired last month, we proved this to be true.

And yet, even on a gorgeous hot and humid August Saturday afternoon, NOBODY was taking advantage of their rights. I found this baffling, so, re-imagining myself as a aquatic version of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, I jumped into the lake (something so many have clamoured for that over the decades, actually) and lo and behold, a few people actually followed me into the drink.

But what was meant to be a fun stunt suddenly turned ugly as bylaw enforcement officers, special constables, and police officers descended upon the beach to observe if anyone would break the law by actually leaving the water and go upon the sandy beach.

(A bylaw officer told me that the “rule” is if they can see both of the person’s ankles, it is deemed that you are on terra firma as opposed to being in the lake and that’s when warnings and/or charges are issued. No, I’m not making this up!)

Golly, remember the good ol’ days when going to the beach meant tanning and picnicking and tossing a Frisbee around? Not anymore. At least, not anymore in the Democratic People’s Republic of Cobourg.