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To paraphrase that lyric from Santa Claus is Coming to Town, at Uniqlo’s Square One location in Mississauga, Ont.: “They know when you’ve been peeing; they know when you have poo’d…”

How odd is that? In the name of COVID-19 protocols, the Uniqlo public restroom at the Square One shopping mall is being… monitored?

For starters, the restroom capacity has been cut by about 50 per cent. But why? We haven’t come across any stories about restrooms being super spreader venues for the coronavirus.

And sensors are monitoring the number of people who are entering the restroom to see a man about a horse.

So it is that a green-hued sign means you can enter; a red-hued sign means you better hope you have a very strong bladder.

(In a way, it is somewhat reminiscent of the Green Light/Red Light game from the Netflix hit series, Squid Game… thankfully, unlike Squid Game, the Uniqlo bathroom motion detectors are not hooked up to automatic weapons to eradicate any rule-breakers…)

But seriously, how odd is this? If this mandate is all in the name of social distancing, haven’t normal people embraced social distancing in public washrooms since, like, forever? Doing otherwise would be downright creepy after all…

Yet, so it is that Big Brother, in the name of COVID-19 safety, is watching you… a little too closely, if you ask us.

(We did reach out to the media relations folks at Uniqlo but we have yet to hear back. Maybe they’re still on the crapper, suffering from constipation?)