Flying saucers, crystal paperweights and branded apples. No, this isn’t the world’s saddest office party — it’s your federal government’s idea of “outreach.”

Grab your Canada Revenue Agency-branded stress ball, you'll need it for this one.

The Canadian Taxpayers Federation broke this story after digging through more than 900 pages of documents tabled in Parliament under order paper question Q-128, filed by Conservative MP Michelle Rempel Garner.

Those records show federal departments, agencies and Crown corporations spent about $13 million on promotional merchandise since January 2022.

The Privy Council told every department to itemize “novelties, mementoes, gifts and other giveaways used to promote a program or initiative.” What came back reads like a taxpayer-funded novelty-catalogue confession.

Feds spend $13 million on branded and promotional merchandise since 2022.

Here's a taste of what your tax dollars pay for:

The government spent $207,000 on hats, $607,000 on bags, $51,800 on socks and $11,900 on stress balls.

Export Development Canada spent $4,100 on climate…

— Franco Terrazzano (@franco_nomics) October 28, 2025

We’re talking bamboo toothbrushes, beeswax wraps, temporary tattoos, maple candy, even Yukon soap. If it can be silk-screened, the feds bought it. If it can’t, they bought it anyway and called it “engagement.”

The biggest spender? The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, which blew roughly $4 million, then refused to say on what.

Go Ad Free

Canadian Heritage came in second, dropping about $2 million on hockey pucks, candle holders and lip balm — specifically the kind without sun protection. National Defence followed at nearly $1.4 million, or about $34,000 a month.

And then there’s Farm Credit Canada, a one-agency merch factory. The CTF-obtained documents show it spent $870,570.22, including:

• $32,690 on tractor-shaped paper air fresheners,
• $85,864 on Tough Duck toques,
• $61,350 on A J M snap-back hats,
• $52,346 on plastic pails,
• $24,479 on children’s puzzles and bib-and-onesie sets for infants.

The Canadian Grain Commission spent $37,542.75 on logoed grain-sample scoops, grain-sample bags, canola sticks and stylus pens for trade shows.

Other departments couldn’t even track their promo buys. Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada said compiling the data “would require manual collection” and could yield “incomplete or misleading information.”

Bureaucrat-speak for we have no idea where the money went.

Meanwhile, across all ministries, the totals stack up like this:

• • $207,000 on hats,
• • $607,000 on bags,
• • $40,500 on Yeti and Stanley drinkware,
• • $51,800 on socks — a lovely nod to Justin Trudeau’s legacy — and,
• • $25,600 on maple syrup and sweets.

VIA Rail tossed in $11,400 on Pride paraphernalia. Immigration shelled out $12,000 on bamboo toothbrushes for “outreach events.” The National Capital Commission lit up $12,000 worth of bicycle lights.

Some agencies simply refused to answer. 

CBC/Radio-Canada admitted it doesn’t even track its promo spending. Parks Canada confessed to $847,000 on swag but provided no receipts. CSIS confirmed it buys promotional items but wouldn’t say what — presumably pens that self-destruct.

CTF federal director Franco Terrazzano put it perfectly: 

It’s like the government had a contest to see which department could come up with the dumbest way to spend taxpayers’ money — and they all won.

He added that the feds even spent $11,900 on stress balls, quipping, “Government bureaucrats dropping thousands of dollars on stress balls really stresses taxpayers out.”

So, here’s the scoreboard: 13-million bucks in logo junk since 2022. Millions are hidden behind “too busy to provide details.” A Mountie mystery spend of four million. And yes: actual flying saucers and infant onesies bought with your tax dollars.

If this were satire, an editor would say it’s too on-the-nose. But it’s not fiction. It’s Parliament-verified facts first uncovered by the Canadian Taxpayers Federation.

Mark Carney’s government claims it’s “cutting waste.” Sacrifices need to be made, he says.

Easy test, prime minister: start with the swag budget. No more card games, charcuterie boards or branded bamboo pens. And if Ottawa really needs a souvenir, I’ve got one they can all share — a giant rubber stamp that says: “RETURN TO SENDER.”