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Kentucky bourbon fans in Ontario face a dilemma: U.S.-sourced alcohol is banned.

Indeed, earlier this year, Ontario Premier Doug Ford pulled U.S. liquor from LCBO shelves in a $1 billion photo-op. This was to show U.S. President Donald Trump that the province was ready for hardball amidst an ongoing tariff dispute.

Alas, months later, Trump hasn’t budged. And Ontarians are on the hook for warehousing all that U.S. booze.

Winning?! Would you believe “elbows up”?

So the other day, we visited Detroit for a few hours to pick up bourbon and a pack of Zyn, a smoke-free and spit-free nicotine pouch.

We chose to declare our purchases to the Canada Border Services Agency guard at the Detroit-Windsor tunnel, and we kinda wish we hadn’t.

The Zyn was confiscated due to its 6 mg nicotine content; Canadian regulations cap such products at 4 mg. Higher nicotine products are prescription-only, suggesting a link between Health Canada and Big Pharma.

Our 750 ml bottle of Kentucky-sourced Booker’s bourbon, perhaps the best we’ve sipped, cost us US$120. We were permitted to keep it, but at a significant price.

Here’s the breakdown:

• Duty: $6.57
• GST/HST: $22.45
• Provincial liquor mark-up/Fee: $103.45
• Grand total: $132.47

Ignoring the exchange rate, we paid more in duty, taxes, and provincial mark-up than the bottle's actual cost. In the aftermath, we question the sayings "honesty is the best policy" and "crime doesn't pay."

Meanwhile, hard liquor enthusiasts might opt for Canadian whiskey like Crown Royal. However, Premier Ford threatens to remove Crown Royal from LCBO shelves if Diageo closes its Amherstburg, Ont., bottling facility in February.

We need a drink. Make it a double...