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So, the CN Tower was lit up in the colour teal the other night. You see, the woke folk running the CN Tower just love embracing causes. And they virtue signal this agenda by lighting up the tower in unique colour combinations to show support for those causes.

For example, on March 31, the CN Tower will be lit up in baby blue, white, and pink. This is to celebrate International Transgender Day of Visibility. Yeah, we know: it never ends, does it? Say, when is International Transgender Day of Invisibility? Now that’s something we could get behind.

If we were running the CN Tower, we would have the thing lit up in red and white all year long. Wouldn’t that make sense? After all, the “C” and the “N” stand for “Canadian” and “National.” And the Canadian flag is inclusive of everyone, right? But never mind…

Back to the teal colour scheme. This was done to mark International Long Covid Awareness Day. We’re not making this up. So, what is International Long Covid Awareness Day? Well, here’s the descriptor from the website www.longcovidawareness.life.

“We urge you to use the 2026 ring to display for all of March 2026 to help bring awareness to Long Covid! The original International Long Covid Awareness ring from 2023 is still be available for use.”

OK, not grammatically correct but you probably get the idea… Anyway, it’s all about “raising awareness.” Apparently, we need to “raise awareness” for everything these days. But what good does that do? Where’s the call to action? Like getting people to make a donation to advance research on long covid? Wouldn’t that make sense?

And say, whatever happened to the good ol’ days when entrepreneurs wouldn’t spend their lives “raising awareness” but they’d actually be doing stuff like inventing sports cars and jet planes and cellphones and cures for various ailments? And another thing: how dare the long covid people appropriate the colour teal? That’s because I latched onto this colour for a cause I launched many years ago.

Here’s the deal: in yester-decade, coloured ribbons were all the rage. Red ribbons for AIDS awareness; pink ribbons for breast cancer, white ribbons for violence against women; yellow ribbons for those serving in the military, and so on...
Well, one day I had an epiphany after being screamed at by Lady Menzoid for essentially… nothing. But apparently the painters were in that day. So I came up with the TEAL ribbon campaign. That’s right – TEAL – to raise awareness for menopause and menstruation.

This is nothing to sneeze at. Indeed, consider that Daily Mail story about middle-aged female police officers being provided “crying rooms” at work for whenever they feel overcome with emotion during menopause.

So, my solution for women experiencing a temporary state of despair should wear a TEAL ribbon – a visual indicator to the rest of us that it’s time to back off, Bucko!

A TEAL ribbon could also be affixed to the vehicle of afflicted females – again, a visual warning to other motorists that if she’s driving erratically, well, cut her some slack. She’s not necessarily a bad driver; it’s just that she’s just not in her right frame of mind. So lay off the horn; don’t flip the bird. It will only escalate things.

By the way, you may have noticed that we spell TEAL in all caps. That’s because the word serves as an acronym. Namely, Time of Emotional Anxiety for Ladies. Brilliant!

So, CN Tower, next time you default to the colour teal, forget about the long covid campaign. Simply announce you are raising awareness for Time of Emotional Anxiety for Ladies. Let’s turn down the temperature when it comes to the mean streets of Hogtown...