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Did you attend the NDP leadership convention?

We didn’t either, although we doubt the gatekeepers would ever let Rebel News inside in the first place.

Besides, we’d have to fly to Winnipeg. That’s where the convention took place. That’s a problem for us. We don’t care for any city that sounds like it was named after a pirate game show...

Before we get started, we kindly ask you all to stand. No, silly, not for the national anthem. Rather, please rise for the indigenous land acknowledgment. Here goes: “We hereby acknowledge that we are on the traditional territory of many nations. This includes the Indians of Cleveland, the Redskins of Washington, the Eskimos of Edmonton, and the last of the Mohicans.”

We would also like to present our preferred gender pronouns. Namely: he/him, she/her, they/them, ze/zir, xe/xem, and several other pronouns that we cannot pronounce. By the way, we plucked all of these pronouns from our beloved limited edition Bud Light pride can. You know, Budweiser no doesn’t make this can anymore. We wonder why?

At this point, we also want to acknowledge the members of the LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP and Sometimes Y community.

And we also hope that as you read this story you are wearing a keffiyeh scarf. And a face diaper, of course.

Anyway, with all that rigmarole out of the way, allow us to throw to the NDP leadership convention highlights. Which is to say most of the chatter was not about policy but rather, delegates displaying multicoloured gender and race cards. Seriously. They seemed to resemble wannabe soccer referees. Oh, and they all had a micro-aggression beef to air. Many complained about being misgendered. There were nonbinary people who were livid that they were being incorrectly referred to as gender fluid. Oh, the humanity! We’re sure it was standing room only within the crying room at the RBC Convention Centre.

And the winner is: Avi Lewis. Who dat?, you say. Well, let’s put it this way: this self-hating Jew is so left-leaning that he makes New York Mayor Commie Mamdani look like the second coming of Ronald Reagan.

Bottom line: if Avi Lewis and his Not Ready for Primetime Players actually pull off the improbable and form the next federal government, we fear the future of Canada can be summed up in one simple sentence offered by that astute political observer, Mr. P. Pig. Namely: “Bee-dee, bee-dee, bee-dee, bee-dee, that’s all, folks!”