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Coinciding with COVID-19, the death of George Floyd, and Joe Biden somehow capturing the White House, the world went quite crazy during the initial years of this version of the roaring '20s.

Indeed, political correctness and DEI reached new levels as woke censorious thugs went out of their way to rename, rebrand, and reimagine everything they deemed to be "offensive," even if it wasn’t offensive!

Case in point: In the sporting world, many native-themed teams went under the tomahawk. Cancelled nicknames included the Redskins, Indians, and Eskimos. And CBC even stopped referring to the Chicago Blackhawks by its official name — the Chicago Blackhawks. CBC simply called this franchise "Chicago’s NHL team," as though Blackhawk is a slur — and it most certainly is not.

Is this not truly the height of wokeness, given that "Chicago's NHL team" is NOT the official name of the team? So let us call out CBC’s unofficial rebranding for what it really is: fake news.

History is also being reimagined by essentially being eradicated. In Toronto, Yonge-Dundas Square was officially rebranded as Sankofa Square, even though nobody calls it that, of course.

This multimillion-dollar whitewashing of Hogtown’s history was due to Henry Dundas falling out of favour with the leftist revisionists at Toronto "Silly" Hall. They connect him to the slave trade, even though Henry Dundas was an abolitionist! Alas, it appears that Henry’s sin was that he wasn’t fast enough on the abolitionist file, so therefore he’s a vile racist/white supremacist who doesn’t deserve to be honoured, and his name must be removed from city property.

And so it is that this significant chunk of downtown Toronto real estate now seems to be named after a brand of instant coffee. Actually, Sankofa is a word from Ghana’s Akan people meaning “go back and get it.” 

This word supposedly symbolizes the importance of learning from the past to build a better future. The concept is represented by a mythical bird looking backward to retrieve an egg. And this backwards bird-thingy apparently signifies wisdom, heritage, and progress through reflection, not stagnation.

Heritage?

We’re not making this up.

All this mumbo-jumbo makes for quite the heapin' helpin' of word salad to be sure. But seriously, how is the City of Toronto connected in any tangible way with the nation of Ghana? It isn’t.

Actually, we take that back. There is one valid connection: Ghana is a final destination for all those stolen vehicles originating in the Greater Toronto Area. But we digress…

Here’s the thing: If the leftist lunatics at Toronto City Hall want to get away from this whole slavery stuff, why celebrate Ghana? Ghana played a huge role in the transatlantic slave trade.

But never you mind, because even to question the logic behind this egregious rebranding will get you labelled as a racist by certain councillors. That’s because critical thinking is verboten at Toronto City Hall under the stewardship of Chairman Chow.

A stone’s throw away from “Bird Looking Backward Square” is my old alma mater, Ryerson University. But Ryerson is not Ryerson anymore. This institution was also rebranded.

The university used to be named after Egerton Ryerson. But Egerton Ryerson, much like Henry Dundas, was unfairly smeared by the woke revisionists. They falsely claim he was somehow responsible for Canada’s residential schools.

And so it was during the George Floyd-inspired “Summer of Love” that Egerton’s statue was torn down and beheaded on campus — just like several Sir John A. Macdonald statues were dispatched.

These days, Ryerson goes by the name TMU, which sounds like a subway stop. TMU is actually an initialism for Toronto Metropolitan University. Does it get any blander and unhistoric than that?

But that’s how we roll these days. We tear down the statues of men of substance, such as Egerton Ryerson and our first prime minister. At Nathan Phillips Square, meanwhile, the statue of Sir Winston Churchill was relocated. He went from a prominent position on Queen Street to the rear of City Hall. If you want to see the statue, you’ll have to look for it. It’s as though Sir Winston is something of an embarrassment rather than one of the greatest leaders of the 20th century.

A short stroll away from City Hall is the Art Gallery of Ontario. Earlier this year, a statue of a woman was erected outside the gallery. Given that it stands nine feet high, passersby might think this is a tribute to the Sensational She-Hulk. But that would actually be an upgrade because at least She-Hulk exists as a character, albeit a fictional one.

As for this masterpiece, the statue was crafted by British artist Thomas J. Price. It’s called “Moments Contained.” And just who is Ms. Moments Contained? Well, that’s the crux of the matter: she doesn’t exist. She’s not even a comic book character. What you see is what you get: a chubby black woman decked out in a pair of Nike sneakers, sweatpants, and a T-shirt. And where is she headed? Our guess would be the food court at the local mall, even though a better destination would be the gym, but alas, she’s not toting a gym bag.

In any event, “Moments Contained” might just be the perfect statue for Canada under the Liberals today. For here we are paying homage to… nobody and nothing. Ms. Moments Contained has absolutely zero to do with anything, any idea or any invention. She’s not an overachiever, but rather, an underachiever. She is the nameless Queen of Slacker Nation of no fixed address. She is a monument to inoffensiveness and blandness and nothingness. Then again, that does make her immune to being torn down by Antifa thugs and other violent reprobates.

But seriously, we see nothing changing in the months or even, God forbid, the years to come under the Mark Carney Liberals. What’s more, unlike the U.S., where this woke rebranding is no longer a fashionable concept thanks to President Trump, we don’t see any political will in this country to reverse course or even tap the brakes. After all, C is for Canada, and C is for Cancel Culture.

So, what pray tell, looms ahead vis-à-vis rebranding in 2026?

Without further ado, we now present our predictions on what will be renamed/reimagined/rebranded in the months ahead.

Number one, expect certain provinces to be renamed. First and foremost, British Columbia. "British" is too colonialist, too imperialist, too monarchical. So, expect British to be replaced by, oh, I don’t know, how about an unpronounceable native name? How does Shuna Sassi Columbia sound?

OK, I admit that Shuna Sassi is not a native name. It’s actually the name of a character from a Clive Barker horror novel. But horror is an appropriate word these days when it comes to what’s occurring in Canada, wouldn’t you say? Especially in Lotusland. I speak of those poor homeowners in Richmond who have been told that, hey, you know that house you spent 30 years of your life paying off? Turns out you might not actually own that property due to preposterous indigenous land claims. Hey, Stephen King, eat your heart out…

For the same revisionist history reasons, Prince Edward Island has gotta go. We mean, "Prince"? And "Edward"? How about we just abbreviate Prince Edward Island to simply… Island? That’s right, going forward, this maritime province will be known as Island. It gets right to the point, don’t you think? And it’s so minimalist. Kinda like the name Tarzan gave his son: Boy.

Works for us.

Next up, did you know great white sharks frequent Canadian waters? That’s problematic, methinks. No, we don’t mean from a public safety angle, such as getting eaten alive. Rather, we speak of the words “great” and “white” being used in the same sentence. No, no, no, no. Not these days. So, how about we rebrand the great white shark as "great rainbow shark"? Let’s get honky out of the mix and at the same time honour the magnificent members of the LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP community. So what that this maneater (“personeater”?) sports only two colours? These days, it’s all about diversity and inclusivity while vilifying Caucasians.

Now, if "great rainbow shark" is too much of a stretch, perhaps "white supremacist shark" does the trick? Because methinks with the censorship bills looming in the new year, it will soon be a criminal act to mention great and white in one sentence. Something’s gotta give.

Number three on the chopping block is trans fats. Now, technically, a trans fat is merely a type of dietary fat. But really, how many young people know that? Because these days “trans” is shorthand for “transgender.”

But trans fat is a bad type of fat; too much trans fat in your diet will increase your risk for heart disease and other health problems. That’s a very big problem given that the prevalent slogan in society these days is, “If it’s good, it’s trans, and if it’s trans, it’s good.” Just ask Skate Canada.

What we’re getting at here is that we can never associate anything that connects trans with negativity. Besides, “fat” is such a body-shaming word, isn’t it? Today, it’s very impolite to say someone is fat, even if they’re a potential candidate for My 600-lb Life. And besides, transgender people always seem to be the picture of health, both physically and mentally.

The point is, when speaking of that aforementioned bad dietary fat, we think we should replace “trans” with “cis.” Thus, expect in the months ahead that trans fats will be rebranded as "white cis male fats." You got a problem with that?

For number four, the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament takes place in the U.S., but it does have a sizeable Canadian audience. Thus, broadcasters north of the border will need some censorious strategy to rename the tournament in politically correct Canada. After all, the term "madness" is widely considered pejorative and offensive. You will never see the word madness used in a medical or professional context in Canada. So, how does “March Psychosis” grab you? Or “March Dementia”? Or “March Schizophrenia”?

We get it. The alliteration is completely lost by dropping the M-word. But we just can’t call mad people mad people anymore.

So, there you go. Four sure-fire predictions for 2026 rebranding initiatives.

In conclusion, we’d normally say Happy New Year to one and all at this point. But 2026 is a reference to the two thousand and twenty-six years after the birth of Jesus Christ, and that is surely offensive to somebody. So, we’ll just keep our collective mouths shut, and we won’t say anything, no matter how much we want to.

And really, isn’t that exactly how the Mark Carney Liberals want us to behave these days?