FREE THE TREES! Protesting Toronto's Cherry Blossom Cops

To paraphrase Ronald Reagan: “Mister Mayor, tear down this wall!”

Please forgive the beleaguered residents of Hogtown who might be thinking that they have somehow collectively breached the time-space continuum and are now residing in post-World War II East Berlin.

You see, last week, Chancellor — er, I mean, Mayor — John Tory ordered his uber-efficient city workers to wall off the city’s massive High Park.

Why, you ask? Another alligator sighting at Grenadier Pond? Hives of Murder Hornets emerging? Gangbangers on the loose?

Toronto's parks wall off cherry blossom trees

Nope. You see, the always-popular cherry blossom trees are now blooming, and Toronto’s blooming idiot of a mayor believes bored out of their skulls Torontonians will descend en masse to High Park thereby breaching the Wuhan virus safety protocols.

Oh, the humanity, as citizens tiptoe through the tulips to smell the blossoms and potentially come within two metres of one another!

And so it is that Mayor Tory treats taxpaying adults like petulant kindergarten kids.

And not just High Park, either. At other parks, including Trinity Bellwoods, if there are cherry blossoms blooming there, then temporary steel fencing is being erected to prevent park-goers from getting too close.

It’s not so much a gay day in May but rather something that is reminiscent of The Day of the Triffids. And it’s all being done in the name of public safety! So much for flower power...

Mr Mayor, Tear Down This Wall!

Well enough is enough! We recently visited High Park to erect a large banner on the fencing, demanding that the mayor tear down that bloody wall. And law enforcement tore it down, all right — our poster, that is! So much for freedom of expression!

And I must confess: I was so frustrated that I actually ratted out the Mayor, showing a photo of His Honour violating social-distancing rules a few weeks ago when he posed with ten healthcare workers for a photo-op. That’s about $10,000 in fines!

But alas, the Stasi — er, I mean the Toronto Police — reverted to Sgt. Schultz mode (“I know nuthink! I saw nuthink!”)

Still, how perversely ironic. Toronto is a “sanctuary city” after all. Toronto City Council is chock full of progressives (and at least one communist.) They hate the idea of, say, a Donald Trump building fences and walls to protect national sovereignty from illegal aliens.

But hey, turns out those whiz-bang steel barricades are very handy indeed when it comes to clamping down on the mobility rights of taxpaying citizens who want to sniff cherry blossoms and take Instagram photos – you know, the yahoos actually footing the bill for this absolute nonsense!