How are YOU spending lockdown? Toronto's wild COVID-19 safe sex tips

We returned to the lawns of Ontario's legislature — Queen’s Park, for us locals  for protest number-15 by the rank-and-file of #YahooNation who continue to clamour for a full reopening of the provincial economy. Currently, 33 of 34 regions in Ontario are in Stage 3 of reopening. They are also protesting against mandatory mask rules.

But as economic freedom is being achieved, certain elements of government and the bureaucracy just can’t help themselves when they attempt to assert control over the great unwashed masses and what we do in our private lives.

Case in point: check out the whiz-bang “sex tips” guide published by the City of Toronto’s Public Health unit during these dark days of the Wuhan virus.

After all, as the Silly Hall bureaucracy notes: “Consensual sex can be a way of dealing with anxiety or fulfilling and expressing our needs for intimacy. It can also be pleasurable and help pass the time when isolated indoors. But is it safe to have sex during COVID-19? Sexual contact with new partners or persons who are not in the same household is not recommended at this time.”

Oh my, what to do, what to do? Thankfully, the Hogtown bureaucracy is full of advice when it comes to, er, porking…

For example, here's the city's tips for “reducing the spread of COVID-19 and still enjoying sex”:

  • Your safest sex partner during the COVID-19 pandemic is yourself.
  • Consensual sexting, virtual sex, video dating, or chat rooms.
  • Have a consensual partner that you are living with in the same household.
  • If you usually meet sex partners online, are polyamorous with people who are not living in the same house, or make a living having sex, consider video dates, sexting or chat rooms instead of meeting people in person.

And here's a few about protect Yourself When Having Sex

  • Wash your hands before and after having sex, whether alone or with a partner.
  • Use condoms or a glove or condom cut open to reduce contact during oral or anal sex.
  • Clean sex toys and consider covering them with a condom. Do not share sex toys with others.

Whoa! OK, that’s enough. Essentially, it sounds to me that the city would like the citizenry to isolate themselves and watch Internet porn.

Oh, by the way, for those who are more daring, the city helpfully notes that “abortion clinics remain open in Toronto” in case any mistakes occur.

That’s right: elective surgery has been suspended, but abortion clinics are still open for business.

We asked members of #YahooNation what they thought about city hall bureaucrats reinventing themselves as sex therapists. Predictably, nobody was impressed and many were gobsmacked to learn that mature adults are now being treated like infants by the government.

And say, whatever happened to the philosophy once opined by prime minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau back in the day?

You know: “There is no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation”